When I was twelve, I made the decision to become an actor. 

It’s not like I was surrounded with an abundance of acting opportunities. By then, I had probably done two school plays and one church pageant.

When Ms. Jones, my eighth-grade English teacher, gave us the assignment to memorize a monologue from Romeo and Juliet, I may have been the only person to bring a prop. I mean, OF COURSE I needed a vial. How else was I supposed to drink the fake-death potion in the tomb???

That was the first and last time I ever played Juliet. Always a character actor, never an ingenue.

Ms. Jones didn’t know it, but she pretty much sealed my career decision with her response: “A+++ An Actress!!!”

INNER PERFECTIONIST PRISCILLA: That slip of paper is framed and hung forever over the mantlepiece of memory.

ME: Right between my imaginary Oscars.

INNER CRITIC URSULA: Juliet may have been the pinnacle of your career.

INNER CHEERLEADER JULES: Who let you in here??

Well, in a sense, Ursula is right. I never got a better grade for anything else, before or since. But who gives a rat’s ass about grades anymore??

PRISCILLA: We—

ME: SHHHH.

My acting career didn’t necessarily turn out as my twelve-year-old envisioned. But it has given me so much more than I ever could have dreamed of—not the least of which is my Hubs.

I do still occasionally get on stage—well, pre-pandemic, anyway. But I gotta tell ya, releasing this identity as “An Actress” has been one of the healthiest and most life-altering things I’ve ever done for myself.

Keeping myself in a box was so confining. And my scarcity mentality fit so cozily into that box. There’s only so much acting work, money, love, fill-in-the-blank to go around. Thinking of life in finite terms kept me in fear, kept me miserable. 

Trusting that I have enough, am enough, seems to be a core part of this journey. 

It’s taken a while, but I now think of myself as “a creative,” relying on ideas and imagination for both vocation and avocation. It might just be a new label, but it feels like a more expansive one.

Being “a creative'' gave me the room to even consider taking on a weekly visual art practice. And this practice is showing me—creativity is a bottomless well. The water may seem murky at times, but it’s there. It never runs out. Because it is connected to the Source of All Creation. Infinite.

If you read last week’s post—thank you!—you know that my intention is to lighten my load as I bring this project on home. 

I approached this week’s New Yorker issue with as much of a blank slate as possible. I didn’t even crack it open until mid-week. I read two paragraphs and—boom. The title jumped out at me. 

Alright, maybe my slate wasn’t entirely blank. I’ve been hoping to create another one of these characters. I’ve been envisioning a companion piece for Hattie Hen. And when I saw “bottomless as ever,” this gentleman immediately popped into mind. 

He tickles me so much! Isn’t he just dandy? Dandy Dansby. I picture him hanging next to Hattie Hen, the two of them looking away from each other. I’ve created a little scenario for them, but I’ll let you make up your own.

“Bottomless.” I like to joke about this year of Zoom allowing us all to go pantless. I’ve always thought it was funny that some animated characters, like Winnie the Pooh, don’t wear pants. 

I got so much joy from designing Dansby’s bottomless outfit. It appeals to my inner twelve-year-old. Before she got all serious and career-minded.

Mostly, I am amazed at how quickly the inspiration came this week. I am convinced that, since I am making regular trips to the well, the well is solidifying itself as a bottomless resource for me. 

Dare I say that The Bottomless Well is replacing Inner Critic Ursula? 

URSULA: NEVER.

Maybe not. But perhaps my regular trips to The Well will keep me too preoccupied to notice Ursula. 

JULES: Don’t worry about Ursula. I’ll take her to the park to play on the swings. 

URSULA: Play?

ME: Don’t forget Priscilla!

JULES: Come on, ladies, you don’t even have to wear pants!

URSULA & PRISCILLA: Wheeeeeeee!!!

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