I lost a friend this year. Not to COVID. But to racism.

Maybe that’s not entirely accurate. We had a conversation, online, about race, and then he unfriended me. 

It’s complicated. As is racism.

Some things I took away from the experience:

• If I speak out about racism, I will not always have the *perfect* words.

• If I speak out about racism, it will be messy.

• If I speak out about racism, some people may not like me.

• If I am committed to showing up as my whole, anti-racist self, I may lose friends.

• These truths are hard, but not as hard as living with systemic racism. 

I went into this week’s project excited that I only had FIVE collages left. I can count down on one hand! I held onto the intention of lightening my load. KISS—Keep It Simple, Shad.

For the second week in a row, I didn’t have to read very far into my chosen New Yorker issue before a title practically leapt off the page at me: “a transformational year.”

Visit my Home page and you’ll see in the header: Seeking Transformation through Art. When asking the Universe for both simplicity and transformation, why should I be surprised when I get what I ask for?

I have a friend and collage mentor who has told me that what I’ve been doing this year is rewiring my brain. I like that. Creating new neural pathways. 

I imagine that I will be able to notice the rewiring more after I have completed this year-long challenge and am working on other creative projects. One thing I am seeing now, though, is how readily ideas can spark when I open myself up to receiving them. 

I also see that ideas can evolve only so far inside my head. The vision for this week’s collage came to me in that sweet morning space between sleep and wakefulness. (There’s a word for that—hypnopompia. Not to be confused with hypnagogia, the state between wakefulness and sleep.)

I love being in that hypnopompic space. I decided I would be foolish to ignore the vision. 

I took a few days to keep playing with the idea in my head. Ooh, I could do this, and this, or this…. More than once I had to remind myself—KISS.

I also had to remind myself that a vision is great, but it only comes to life when I put hands on it. Or feet. Walking the proverbial walk.

Once I started cutting and arranging, I could tell the piece wasn’t quite going to work as envisioned. But through trial and error, I think it became even more than I imagined. 

During this year of transformation, I have been envisioning a new love-based paradigm for a new world—a world that transforms systems built on oppression and inequality and injustice into systems that are truly equitable and just, systems that uplift and empower. 

But am I willing to rewire my brain? Am I willing to eventually get out of my head and onto the paper? Am I willing to get my hands and feet involved to help create the positive change I envision? To walk the walk? What if it means people won’t like me? What if it means I lose “friends”? 

This transformational year has given me the opportunity to take some deep dives. Ask the Universe for transformation, and it is happy to oblige. Losing my friend has been painful. But it’s not the first pain I have experienced—and survived—in this anti-racism struggle. 

If I, a white person, am not willing to risk pain and discomfort, how on this blessed blue-green Earth do I think we will ever manifest a new love-based world??? My white comfort serves no one but me.

The risk is worth it.

This transformational year is teaching me—my artwork may not be everyone’s cup of tea. It may not even be my own cup of tea! And I’m okay with that. And I survive it. And I enter a new week, a new project, and try again. And again. And again. Even when it’s challenging. As long as I’m coming from a place of Love. 

The transformation is worth it.

THIS WEEK’S FEATURED CARTOON

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