I’ve been chatting with my inner critic. Let’s call her “Ursula.” Inner Critic Ursula. ICU. She only survives if I give her life support. 

Thanks to Julia Cameron’s The Artist's Way, I have become adept at recognizing my inner critic. More and more over the years I’ve been able to keep her napping. But whenever I’ve entertained the thought of starting a blog. Ursula pops right up and offers her favorite tidbits for self-sabotage:

1 – No one cares what you have to say.

Jesus, Ursula. Harsh. Okay, well, maybe my friends will care. Other artists might. Other wannabe artists might. Others seeking transformation inside and out. My sisters…. WAIT!! Who cares who cares, Ursula?!? I can only put my stuff out there. I can’t control who digs it.

2 – What if people don’t actually dig the stuff you put out there?

Again. Beyond my control. Art is subjective. If I write from my heart, maybe some will connect. Others can scroll on by.

3 – Trolls!

Yeah. Yuck. I’ve read Lindy West’s Shrill. I know online bullying is a thing. A real shitty thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve scrolled through douchbaggerous comments on Twitter and thought, yeah, it’s just not worth it, putting your stuff out there. I’ll stay cocooned. But we’re living in plague times now, and I’m not giving imaginary trolls the keys to my future anymore. To them I say SIMMA DOWN NOW AND FIND A NEW HOBBY.

4 – What if your art sucks?

Um. Well, again, art is subjective. And here I’ll turn to the wisdom of Ira Glass, host of This American Life. There’s much more to this quote, but in a nutshell, he says: “It is only by going through a volume of work that ...your work will be as good as your ambitions.” So I’m giving myself a structured assignment that allows for volumes of work. And deadlines. I’m good with deadlines.

5 – What if you don’t meet your deadlines?

These are self-imposed deadlines. If I find I’m making myself crazy, I will allow for some grace. I will find what works. But the weekly deadlines are intentional. Plus, there’s a plague. Where am I going in the next year? 

6 – What if you’re uninspired some weeks?

My job is to show up. Come to the table with my tools—scissors, blades, glue, New Yorkers. It’s called “practice: verb. perform (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain one’s proficiency.” Just show up. Do the work. Give the process a chance. 

7 – What if you get to the end of the year without a following?

Oh well. I’ll have 52 pieces of art. And some refined collage skills. And hopefully a lot more creative ideas to put into action.

SO—Ursula, I appreciate that you are trying to protect me from the outer critics. But I'm gonna need you to SIMMA DOWN AND GO BACK TO SLEEP. I’ll wake you if I need you.

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