“dreamy doodles” Collage, cut New Yorker Magazine paper, ink, 9" x 12" — **“dreamy doodles”**
Collage, cut *New Yorker* Magazine paper, ink, 9" x 12"

Is doodlephobia a thing? I think it is now.

Before I even chose this week’s New Yorker issue, I told myself: Look, you have veeeerrry little time this week. There will be next to no reading. Do yourself a favor. Make this collage as simple as you possibly can.

“Lifeline” by Pascal Campion @pascalcampionartThe New Yorker, April 13, 2020 — “Lifeline” by Pascal Campion @pascalcampionart
*The New Yorker,* April 13, 2020

INNER CRITIC URSULA: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

ME: Have I mentioned how extremely UNhelpful you were this week?

URSULA: Hey! You can’t blame me this time. That was Priscilla.

ME: Mmhmm. Nice try. I’m onto you.

URSULA: (blink, blink) What??

ME: I know that Priscilla is just YOU in a wig.

INNER PERFECTIONIST PRISCILLA: I beg your pardon!

ME: Well, you both certainly have the same effect.

PRISCILLA: Perhaps. But my beauty standards are far superior.

ME: I’ll give you that.

URSULA: I can hear you!

ME: Why don’t you two go out and play? In the street.

As I was saying—this collage was supposed to be simple. Before I cracked open this issue, I was envisioning an all-white background, or maybe all print. With a tiny, easy, focal point. Leave it at that. Something will surely come to me.

You know how sometimes in magazines the first letter of a paragraph or section is larger than the rest of the typeface? I thought it might be interesting—and quick and easy—to flip through the pages and jot down every large letter and see what kind of words I could spell out of them. Maybe an idea would come to me that way.

Nope.

Then I saw these blacks and grays and red, and I thought, well, at least I’ve got some interesting visuals to work with.

When I found “dreamy doodles,” it didn’t grab me right away. But as time went on and I needed to make a decision, I came back to it.

What if I doodled all over a page of print, and cut that into squares along with the blacks and grays and red? Could be cool.

PRISCILLA: Yes. Or it could be messy.

URSULA: Right. And you’re not a doodler. I hardly ever see you playing in a sketchbook.

Fine. Correct. I WANT to play around with ink. And I think—once I’m done with this collage challenge, I am going to town with my pens and sketchbook!

I’m actually a decent drawer. With a pencil. But my M.O. is to draw sooooo very lightly that I can easily erase if Priscilla doesn’t like what I’m doing. In graphic design school, my drawing teacher used to laugh at how lightly I would start penciling.

PRISCILLA: You were also his only student to ever finish his class with a 100. You’re welcome!

ME: See, you think you’re helping. But you’re really not.

I’m afraid of committing to bold strokes. Kind of like I was afraid to commit to the glue in the first week of this challenge.

And there’s not much bolder than black ink. My thought process went something like: Do I really want to spend a lot of time doodling? I could do some super pretty zen-doodling! But there’s not enough time. Do I really want to incorporate something into this collage that I’m not confident with? What if I hate it? I really should make the doodling one big piece that fits into the other color squares. But is that really doodling? Just add some marks. What if it’s too much and I can’t erase it? What if—

INNER CHEERLEADER JULES: Hey. Do I need to bring you a fresh pair of Big Girl Panties? It’s time. Just start. If you don’t love it, what’s the worst that could happen?

PRISCILLA: The world will stop turning and all eyes will be on this horrid collage and everyone will know that she’s a fraud and she’ll be labeled a failure and no one will ever want to work with her and we’ll find her destitute and starving at the Clermont Lounge.

JULES: Priscilla. Who hurt you?

Alright, perhaps the Inners are being a bit dramatic. But they aren’t far off. This challenge is really giving me the chance to examine every little stumbling block I put in my own path.

And to be fair to myself, doodling is usually something that people do for themselves, right? Not for show. But I finally committed to the ink. I don’t know that it’s really doodling, but here it is. I sort of love it. I sort of don’t. But I got it done during a week when I really had no business working on a collage. Or writing a mini one-act play.

To be honest, I’m a little worried about what’s going to happen when I don’t have this weekly timeline to motivate me. But I’ll cross that bridge. In fact, I’m hoping I can sneak across it without Ursula and Priscilla.

URSULA: (To Priscilla) She thinks we can’t hear her.

PRISCILLA: Adorable.